My Travel Buddy Is By My Side
Way back, at the end of the last century, I worked for a software development company as their Client Liaison. It was the best position that I had ever had - until Desktop David. That position required that I travel around the US to meet with clients. My role to to their advocate within my own company. It was a unique vision, one that I credit to my friend Bob - who also hired me to be the first ever to employed in that role. What a genius! No, really, he is a smart guy. But that is not the point of this posting...
Being a start up company, and that I was the only person doing this job, and that we had about 50 active clients, I had to get on a plane 2-3 times a month. Some of those trips were a week long, but usually 2-3 days. At that time, my daughter Emily was almost 14 years old. She was a Beanie Baby collector. (Somewhere in our basement is a vacuum sealed bag with 100 - 200 Beanies stored away.)
Once when I was packing to go on a client visit, Emily came to me and gave a Mini Beanie Ant Eater. She told me it was to be my Travel Buddy, so I wouldn't be lonely and I'd have someone who represented our family, with me to share the experience. From then on, I've always packed my Travel Buddy, for every trip I take. When I packed for Maine, last year, my Buddy came along. Once I reached a location, my Buddy always came out of the bag and sat on the desk next to my laptop. In Maine, he sat on the table that was next to my bed and he came to the hospital for the transplant too.
Two nights ago I realized that I was on another journey and was feeling kind of lonely. I had forgotten my Buddy. Actually, he was sitting on the desk, across the room. However, this journey was undertaken every nite, when I am asleep. I've been having trouble sleeping for a couple of weeks. My new pattern is to awaken every hour.
Until 2 nites ago I had been trying several combinations of drugs to induce a return to my regular sleep pattern. Ambien, Ambien CR, Percocet, Adavan, and Cyclobenzaprine have been ingested in a variety of does and combinations. Doing drugs is not as adventurous as I remember it to be. First of all - none of them achieved any results. Secondly, the hangover from some of them was worse than sleep deprivation! My PCP, Gordon, called and we discussed this matter. It turns out that my problem may be psychological... HOW CAN THAT BE! How is it that our mind can be more influential than drugs? Who knew???
Gordon suggested that I not use medications, but rather that behavior modification might help. Before you start to protest that he sounds like one of those new age gurus, or a holistic healer, I assure you that he is very traditional. He also happens to be a very trusted friend, as well as a skilled physician, so I have decided to heed his advise.
More recently, I've begun to have nightmares. These aren't 'wake up screaming' nightmares, but I awaken agitated and panting. After I stopped taking meds, a couple of nites ago, I awoke and remembered nearly the whole dream... so I turned on the lite and grabbed the note pad that I keep by the laptop and wrote down the whole thing. Then I realized that I had had a 2-part dream. I wrote the first part too. When I went back to sleep, I slept for 3 straight hours - the longest stretch WITHOUT DRUGS, in weeks! MMMMMMM, could we be onto something?
If you are hoping that I'll reveal my inner psychotic makeup... not yet....
I did share the dream with Robbi. It was a fantastic exercise in sharing. As I walked though the details, most of the symbolism was pretty obvious. My dreams have always been as simplistic as the rest of me. This whole process is stimulating more discussion between Robbi and I - and it is good.
Last nite, before I went to bed, I moved my Travel Buddy from the desk to my night stand. I feel a need to have him close. I feel an Emily-hug, every time I look at him. He is not here to fend off nightmares. It is actually the opposite. What ever it is that triggers them is what I need to confront. It's good.
I had another nightmare, last night... this one was different from the earlier one, but it is a repeat from when (I think) I was in the hospital. Here we go again. This time it's with a trusted friend by my side.
Stay tuned...
Being a start up company, and that I was the only person doing this job, and that we had about 50 active clients, I had to get on a plane 2-3 times a month. Some of those trips were a week long, but usually 2-3 days. At that time, my daughter Emily was almost 14 years old. She was a Beanie Baby collector. (Somewhere in our basement is a vacuum sealed bag with 100 - 200 Beanies stored away.)
Once when I was packing to go on a client visit, Emily came to me and gave a Mini Beanie Ant Eater. She told me it was to be my Travel Buddy, so I wouldn't be lonely and I'd have someone who represented our family, with me to share the experience. From then on, I've always packed my Travel Buddy, for every trip I take. When I packed for Maine, last year, my Buddy came along. Once I reached a location, my Buddy always came out of the bag and sat on the desk next to my laptop. In Maine, he sat on the table that was next to my bed and he came to the hospital for the transplant too.
Two nights ago I realized that I was on another journey and was feeling kind of lonely. I had forgotten my Buddy. Actually, he was sitting on the desk, across the room. However, this journey was undertaken every nite, when I am asleep. I've been having trouble sleeping for a couple of weeks. My new pattern is to awaken every hour.
Until 2 nites ago I had been trying several combinations of drugs to induce a return to my regular sleep pattern. Ambien, Ambien CR, Percocet, Adavan, and Cyclobenzaprine have been ingested in a variety of does and combinations. Doing drugs is not as adventurous as I remember it to be. First of all - none of them achieved any results. Secondly, the hangover from some of them was worse than sleep deprivation! My PCP, Gordon, called and we discussed this matter. It turns out that my problem may be psychological... HOW CAN THAT BE! How is it that our mind can be more influential than drugs? Who knew???
Gordon suggested that I not use medications, but rather that behavior modification might help. Before you start to protest that he sounds like one of those new age gurus, or a holistic healer, I assure you that he is very traditional. He also happens to be a very trusted friend, as well as a skilled physician, so I have decided to heed his advise.
More recently, I've begun to have nightmares. These aren't 'wake up screaming' nightmares, but I awaken agitated and panting. After I stopped taking meds, a couple of nites ago, I awoke and remembered nearly the whole dream... so I turned on the lite and grabbed the note pad that I keep by the laptop and wrote down the whole thing. Then I realized that I had had a 2-part dream. I wrote the first part too. When I went back to sleep, I slept for 3 straight hours - the longest stretch WITHOUT DRUGS, in weeks! MMMMMMM, could we be onto something?
If you are hoping that I'll reveal my inner psychotic makeup... not yet....
I did share the dream with Robbi. It was a fantastic exercise in sharing. As I walked though the details, most of the symbolism was pretty obvious. My dreams have always been as simplistic as the rest of me. This whole process is stimulating more discussion between Robbi and I - and it is good.
Last nite, before I went to bed, I moved my Travel Buddy from the desk to my night stand. I feel a need to have him close. I feel an Emily-hug, every time I look at him. He is not here to fend off nightmares. It is actually the opposite. What ever it is that triggers them is what I need to confront. It's good.
I had another nightmare, last night... this one was different from the earlier one, but it is a repeat from when (I think) I was in the hospital. Here we go again. This time it's with a trusted friend by my side.
Stay tuned...
posted by DesktopDavid at 6:38 PM
1 Comments:
aww! i'm so glad you keep him with you!! :D
i love you :)
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